This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
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