I met the friendliest cop last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
