Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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