the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
