I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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