I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
