fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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