So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
