Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
