A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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