never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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