I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
