I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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