I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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