Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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