Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
