nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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