OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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