You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
