you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
