Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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