I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were trust falling into bushes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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