I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
