Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
