it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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