I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
