why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
