Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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