mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
