I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
