i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
