see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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