ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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