She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
