so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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