It's like God shit irony all over that family
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
