im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize