The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
