No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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