STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
