I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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