Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize