Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
