I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
