Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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