Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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