No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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