ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
