I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
In America we eat man semen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
