There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
