im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
