either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
