i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
