....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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