Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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