i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Randomize
