You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
