Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
