I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
