I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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