she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
