Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
