After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
