I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
