I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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