I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
