the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
