ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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