That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
